Good evening and welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. Last week we started the discussion on DEALING WITH BREAKUP AND DIVORCE and thanks to all that began talking about their hurts.

Sometimes all you have to do to get over the hurt is to reach out to someone and talk about it. In talking to someone about your hurt and pain, be sure they are people who have earned enough trust to be confided in. Talking to the wrong person can bring about your divorce and breakup can bring about more pain.

Talking to a person that has not proven trustworthy about your emotional struggle and pain is a total upcoming disaster. When breakup and divorce is not well managed, the result is emotional disaster.

It is unfortunate that many ladies have ended up in psychiatric hospitals because of unmanaged break up and divorce while many men have become drunks and emotional wrecks due to unmanaged breakup or divorce.We must understand that life operates on the law of KARMA; what goes round comes around. Hence, a hurtful breakup is a seed and the one who sowed it will in turn receive its harvest.

When a breakup is not well managed, hurts and bitterness is all that is remembered about the relationship/marriage. When the breakup is well managed, there are lessons to learn even though learned in a painful way.

When you break up well, you are no longer interested in the relationship but you care about the other person’s welfare. A lot of people have lost the capacity to love because they were once hurt and never got healed.

When breakup is not well managed, you begin to hurt those that love you even when you never intend to. Undealt-with hurts become a point of stagnation for many because they never looked beyond the hurt.

Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to know and remember that you can and will move on.

Healing from heartbreak and divorce takes time, so be patient with yourself. Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, frustrated and these feelings can be intense.

Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. Always remember that not all relationships are destined to work out.

Simple steps to breaking up well;

Don’t down play it; don’t downplay the impact of the breakup on the other person or yourself. Don’t say things like “I know you were never really interested in the relationship, I know you never really loved me”.

When you want to breakup, be sensitive to the other person and their current circumstances. Don’t break up with when they are going through difficult times or phase of their life. Don’t break up in public or when they are going through a health challenge. Timing is critical to breaking up well.

Don’t be mean in your breakup process, don’t lie about it either put the other person into due consideration. Remember that no matter how well a breakup is done, it will always hurt; breaking up well only minimizes the hurt.
The strain of a major breakup can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable hence it is best to breakup well.

That will be all for tonight, thank you for joining in. Do remember to RT, comment and ask questions. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me an email. Do have a great evening.

Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter and I think you should follow him (@pastorbolaji).

Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on his TL (@pastorbolaji).
Check here every weekend for fresh #adamandeve series or subscribe to posts by following my blog. Feel free to drop your comments too. I am passionate about making you see how to better your relationship/marriage.

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