SAVING A SINKING RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE [CONT’D]

Pastor Bolaji Idowu

Good evening friends, welcome to an insightful discussion of #adamandeve. Let’s not do this alone, invite your friends to follow too.

Last week, we discussed signs of troubled relationships/marriages. If you missed it, kindly catch up on my timeline.

No relationship will work until you work on yourself, and on the relationship. Instead of an individual to work on themselves, they focus on fixing their partner. ERROR! Getting better is within your control and when you become better, your marriage/relationship gets better.

One cause of sinking relationship is; POOR communication. Conflicts linger in marriage/relationship where there is poor communication. Issues are amplified in marriages/relationships where communication is poor or non-existent. Poor communication does not allow you seethe other person’s side of the story. Poor communication also allows for misinterpretation of intentions and actions. It also makes apologizing an extremely difficult task.

There is NOTHING that cannot be sorted out by a simple means of conversation. Words can do wonders. Getting defensive and raising voices are signs of poor communication skills in a relationship/marriage. The use of abusive words only amplifies the problem and does not resolve it. The better the communication between couples, the more willing they are to seat down and discuss differences.

Discussing differences in some relationships is a nightmare because; it often ends up in a fight and sheer waste of time. It is quite unfortunate, that most couples can’t have simple conversations to resolve issues without the input of third party. Understanding how your partner communicates is a key success factor for successful relationship/marriage. When communication is poor in a marriage, couples degenerate from lovers to roommates.

Another major cause of sinking relationship/marriage is UNFORGIVENESS. Unforgiveness is defined as a grudge against someone who has offended you. In every normal relationship/marriage, there will be offences. Offences are results of our human nature not necessarily, an act of victimization. Your partner will offend you, and so also will you offend your partner. The manner in which offences are handled in a relationship/marriage, will determine how far it will go.

Your partner is the most likely person to make you happy, and also make you sad. The people we love the most annoy us the most! This is the irony of life, with proximity comes conflict. To succeed in your relationship/marriage, you must be willing to forgive your partner in advance. Holding grudges with your partner will only hurt more and most likely break the relationship. Sometimes, the people we hold grudges against have moved on and we are still hurting from the past. The best relationship is one in which offences are forgiven and put aside.

Relationship/marriage also sinks due to EXTERNAL INFLUENCE. External influence includes; friends, colleagues, family members, pastors etc. External Influence has its own advantage, but can also have devastating influence on healthy marriage/relationship. Most external influences are biased even though they are not aware of it.

    External Influences are not able to accurately see the true picture because they are not in it, while some external influence are jealous of what you have and wouldn’t mind wrecking it through “harmless counsel”

    Many homes/relationships have been wrecked due to external influences. Sometimes external Influences love you but honestly lead you astray. In seeking external counsel please be guided and sensitive.

    Do remember to RT, comment, and also send all questions to pastorbolaji@harvestersng.org. Good evening!

    Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on his TL (@pastorbolaji).
    Check here every weekend for fresh #adamandeve series or subscribe to posts by following my blog. Feel free to drop your comments too. I am passionate about making you see how to better your relationship/marriage.

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