Welcome to another exciting episode of #adamandeve, do remember to invite your friends to follow the conversation. We have been discussing ways to save a sinking relationship/marriage, if you missed it, kindly read up on this TL.
The DESIRE to save a relationship/marriage is the starting point in saving the relationship or marriage. Once the desire to fix the relationship/marriage is gone, all other efforts both internal and external will be futile. The key question to ask is: “Do I still want it?” The more challenging a relationship is, the weaker the desire to make it work.
Initially, everyone would go through thick & thin to save their relationship/marriage, but as time goes on, that desire weakens. To regain that desire, you need to be confident of a better future in your relationship or marriage. You must be willing to let go of the past and its pain believing for a better future.
Emotional divorce takes place when emotions and desires have been disconnected from our partner. Emotional divorce is a result of prolonged turning away of your heart from your partner. When you are emotionally divorced from your partner, you’re there physically but emotionally departed.
To save a troubled relationship/marriage, ADJUSTMENT on both sides is compulsory. Adjustment refers to a mental behavioural shift to accommodate your partner and promote peace. These adjustment is meant to promote a “WE-WIN” and not “I-WIN” relationship. Adjustment could include becoming more generous, talking a lot more and being patient with your partner.
Another way of saving a sinking relationship/marriage is by COMMUNICATION. Communication is a challenging task when partners are not in good terms, but when you are not talking is the best time to talk. Silence gives way to a lot of misinterpretation of motives and intentions.
Communication paves way for mutual understanding. Communication gives the other party a chance to explain their side of the coin, which we hardly see no matter who we are.
PATIENCE is also a key that can save a troubled marriage/relationship. The adjustment or change needed in each person will only be possible when given time.
The lack of patience has cost some the loss of potentially great partners or great marriages. Good food is not cooked in a hurry; great marriages are products of patience. Patience sees you through the normal trying phase of every relationship/marriage.
COUNSELLING: Most people cringe when they hear the word “counselling”, let alone couples counselling, but depending on where you are with your partner, talking to a professional, whether it be a minister/therapist, may be helpful.
Sometimes, a relationship/marriage can’t be saved except with the help of an experienced and trusted person. A counsellor in this case, provides an enabling environment for the couple to discuss outstanding issues.
Sometimes the bitterness against one’s partner makes it difficult to have a “fire-free” conversation except someone steps in. A counsellor helps to balance rigidity in perspective of each partner.
Counselling sometimes is the best way to undo the hurt and pains of challenging relationships. Couples go through times in their relationships but it’s the ones that are willing to work on their faults that survive
In conclusion, saving a struggling relationship requires two people working together with same aim of saving it. That will be all for tonight, thank you for joining in. Do remember to RT, comment and ask questions
Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter (@pastorbolaji).
Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on this handle (@pastorbolaji).
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