Dealing with the hurts in your relationship/marriage

Hello friends, how was your week? Thanks for joining us today on #adamandeve.

Today , I’ll continue on my discussion on I LOVE HIM BUT HE HURTS ME. If you missed previous episodes you can catch up on my Timeline.

One of the most difficult things to deal with is hurt from your partner. Such hurt is deep because, there is probably no one else to share it with than the person who hurt you. It is always painful if we are hurt from where we look up to for love.

Unfortunately, romantic relationships/marriages will sometimes produce hurts. Learning how to deal with hurts is essential.

One of the ways to deal with hurt is to deal with issues as soon as they arise. Allowing issues, hurts or anger to linger makes it degenerate in a bigger relationship or marriage problem.Resolving issues ASAP, doesn’t necessarily mean immediately, but at the earliest possible convenience of both parties.

Sometimes, resolving issues immediately can spark tension, therefore, before attempting to resolve issues, please ensure there is reasonable level of calmness especially emotionally. You can have a simple rule that says “no unresolved conflict will go than 24 hours.”

Leaving matters unresolved for a long time opens the door to Satan. It can also make you vulnerable to outsiders and being vulnerable to external parties can lead to regrettable actions. Statistics show that most affairs are developed during a period of misunderstanding between couples.

Another key insight in dealing with hurts is to be solution focused and not problem focused. It is amazing how people in hurt go about the issue/problem than the solution. If you are going to succeed in dealing with hurt you must learn to be solution focused.

Solution minded approach, focuses on resolving the problems and hurt at hand. Nothing makes hurts difficult to resolve like playing the blame game.

To resolve hurt you must quit playing blame game. It is only natural, for partners to blame one another for their hurt and pain. Adam blamed Eve for losing out in the garden.

Blaming people for our hurt never changes anything. Most times, blaming the other breeds hostility and resentment. For relationship/marriage to be successful, each party must be willing to accept responsibility for its success. If you claim your wife is stupid, your choice of a stupid wife reflects your level of wisdom too!

One of the key things about hurt, is to accept when your partner says he/she is hurt and not rationalize it. Hurt most times, is hard to rationalize. What hurts one differs to another, hence, it is unfair to claim that your partner’s hurt is invalid just because you can’t fathom it.

For the hurting partner, your hurt should not be the reason to dishonour, disrespect or abuse your partner. Remember that when the hurt is over, there will be consequences of actions and word spoken.

No relationship/marriage can thrive without forgiveness. You will hurt your partner and your partner will also hurt you. If you want to make your relationship or marriage work, make up your mind to forgive in advance.

The one that cannot forgive freely is not fit for marriage/relationship. Genuine love is incomplete without forgiveness and on that note we conclude today’s discussion on #adamandeve. I hope you find it helpful.

Please remember to comment, and ask questions. Need someone to talk to? I’m here pastorbolaji@harvestersng.org.

Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter (@pastorbolaji).

Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on this handle (@pastorbolaji).

Check here every weekend for fresh #adamandeve series or subscribe to posts by following my blog. Feel free to drop your comments too. I am passionate about making you see how to better your relationship/marriage.

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