Welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. If this is your first time of joining in, you’re in for a great time. Last week we started a discussion on “From dating to marriage. How long/short?” If you missed it, you can read up on my TL.
So how do you know if he is serious about the relationship or just wasting your time? One way to know is; Is there progress in the relationship? Are you guys progressing as a couple?
And by progress I mean, have you met his parents? Are you engaged? Is there marriage talks? Does he make adjustments to accommodate you in his life? Truth is, talk is cheap until proportional actions are made.
Some relationships/engagements are long because one party in the relationship is not ready to make commitments. Does he talk with you in his future? If he sees you in his future, actions like signing documents in your name will emerge.
Does he introduce you to significant people in his life? i.e. parents, siblings, mentor, pastor. Is he granting you unusual access in his life and all he owns? e.g. keys to his apartment, where he keeps his money etc.If he believes in the relationship and sees you in his future, he will share his present moments and assets with you. He will not only be interested in you but also your family and friends network.
Your place in his life is unrivaled. This means you are not in competition with another. If you are in competition with another be careful, He has an alternative.
You also know a man/woman is ready, when there’s a fight; the dynamics is towards mutual conflict resolution rather than breakup.
What’s their financial readiness to marry? While I don’t suggest that you need luxury to get married, you need certain things. “Basic” and “Luxury” will vary from one person to another also, one culture to another.
It’s crazy that people will rather spend on the wedding, than investing in the marriage. UPSIDE DOWN THINKING!
Most couples have no idea that the foundation of a successful marriage begins long before the wedding day.
The success of any marriage is not determined by the wedding or its cost. In fact, most flamboyant weddings often time end up in divorce two years down the line.
Marriage is really about commitment, so the real question is are you willing to commit to this person the rest of your life? Most people make marriage decisions just on how they feel about the person. ERROR! Feelings change. If you passively “fall in love,” you can also fall back out.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have strong feelings for the person you marry, but a marriage is based on more than that.
Some courtships are also prolonged, if there are unresolved outstanding issues. Outstanding issues could refer to adjustment in behaviour , value, character, parental disapproval, unforeseen health challenges, etc.
No matter how long you have dated, if issues props up that are very significant, you need to slow down.
Those who sense future problems while they are courting generally find out after marriage that their concern was true. So my advice is; if there are multiple warning signs that make you reluctant to marry the person, you should slow down.
Courtship, is supposed to lead to a happy marriage. But marriage cannot be happy if it is not built on the RIGHT FOUNDATION, but not all courtship MUST lead to marriage. If there are warning signs, you need to step back to re-evaluate.
Get to know the “real” person. Anyone can put on a good show for a while, because in dating you’re probably trying to paint yourself in the best light possible
Also there’s delay in making commitment to marriage when there’s a state of inner unrest and sudden changes. People change. The key question is; Is it positive or negative? When the change is negative, you need to slow down.
In conclusion, the key to making good decisions in any situation is, trusting in the wisdom from God’s word and godly counsel. That will be all for tonight, we continue next week. Do remember to RT, comment and ask questions.
Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter (@pastorbolaji).
Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on this handle (@pastorbolaji).
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