Welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. It is always a pleasure doing this with you every week. Do remember to invite all your friends to follow this handle and join in the conversation.
Last week, we started a new discussion on “Dealing with a lying partner 1” and it generated tremendous response.
It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you.
Dealing with a lying partner can be one of the greatest challenges in arelationship/marriage. Trust is a vital foundation in any relationship.
When a partner lies, the greatest impact is that trust is eroded. Where there is no trust, there is no relationship.
The strength of any relationship or marriage is dependent on the quality of the trust in it. When a partner lies about himself or his whereabouts, trust is eroded.
If you’ve ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. Trust is very fragile. Once broken, it can’t be put back together as before.
Have you ever wondered why people lie especially to their spouse? Some partners lie out of fear. Fear of telling the truth; and its consequences. Some others lie because they feel the truth can’t be handled and they won’t be protected. Some partners lie to cover up previous lies; once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse.
Some partners also lie because their partners love being lied to. They are partners that just don’t want to hear the truth about their current realities. Hence, they prefer to be lied to.
A classic example is sexual dissatisfaction among married couples. Some men are grossly dissatisfied sexually but can’t tell their partner the truth about how they feel.
Some lie to protect their partners from hurt and heartbreak. Some partners also lie as a way of escape or temporal solution to lingering crisis. Some partners also lie to cover up wrong and shameful deeds. Lying might pay off temporarily but, cost more in the long run.
Couples must create an environment in their relationship where the truth can be discussed without consequences. There may be consequences for the action but not for telling the truth.
Marriage and relationships must encourage and reward truth telling. When you find your partner lying, you need to ask yourself “why?” Beyond the lie, there is a bigger issue in the relationship that should be dealt with.
Let’s be honest, some partners are just pathological liars. They tell lies for no just cause. Lying is a lifestyle for them.
The impact of lying or a lying partner is devastating to a relationship. Lying makes your words lose relevance and trust and trust is vital in a relationship.
Relationship needs trust in order to continue thriving and growing in a healthy way.
Lying also prevents you from self-evaluation, it hurts the other partner.
The way you handle a lie determines if your partner will stop lying or continue lying. We must learn to correct and confront lies in love. Every lie has a root. Except discovered, there will be more lies.
In resolving lies and dealing with a lying partner, you need to find out “why” he/she is lying. The root cause of a lie will determine the approach to resolving it. If a partner lies out of fear which most partners do, then you need to address the fear in the relationship.
Calling your partner a liar only makes him/her defensive. Your approach must be to understand before judging.
Choose a low pressure time to discuss the issue of lying with your partner. A low pressure time is a period in your relationship when there are no current tensions.
Ignoring lies and a lying partner is never helpful. When lies are ignored, they begin to escalate.
In conclusion, singles, honesty in a potential partner should not be compromised. To err is human so extend grace to your partner. When a partner knows that he/she will receive forgiveness, they will be more open to say the truth.
That will be all for tonight, thank you for joining in do remember to RT, comment and ask questions.
Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter (@pastorbolaji).
Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on this handle (@pastorbolaji).
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