Dealing with a Lying partner II – The Approach

Good day friends, welcome to another episode of #adamandeve. Today’s episode promises to be helpful. Do remember to invite a friend to follow or to join in the conversation.

In continuation of our discussion on “Dealing with a Lying partner,” I will focus briefly on how to approach the situation.

So you caught your spouse lying, you are really hurt and upset. What do you do? How do you confront the situation?
One suggestion I have is to approach the discussion as a “conversation” and not as a “confrontation.”

Yes, I know you want to go straight to them and make them aware that you know what’s happening and you know the truth. You must speak as a team trying to find a solution. Rather than as though you are opponents in battle.

When you do speak to your spouse, do not focus on“the lie” or “the lying”, if you do, the conversation might turn bad.

So rather than focusing on the lie itself, focus on the specific issues at hand, talk about what YOU thought or how YOU feel. Approaching discussion as “confrontation” usually results in competitive mindset, causing a partner to react defensively.

In other words, trying to blame, attack or point out your partner’s misdeeds won’t get you very far or resolve the problem.

Make it a conversation where your spouse can hear what you are trying to say without feeling like they are being attacked. Even though your partner is guilty of lying, confrontation/accusations only make them more defensive or withdraw.

Instead of focusing on the lie, approach the problem in the least judgmental way possible. Make your partner see that the act of lying, hurts you and makes you less confident in the relationship you both share.

Let you partner know you feel betrayed when lied to, rather than throwing accusations at them.

This way, you can be sure your partner will listen to you and you can work things out from there. With this approach, you can create a sense of understanding and a willingness to discuss problems without a lot of negativity.

This will also let your spouse feel more comfortable discussing issues in the future.

That will be all tonight, thank you for joining in. Do remember to RT, comment and ask questions.

Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter (@pastorbolaji).

Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on this Twitter handle (@pastorbolaji).

Check here every weekend for fresh #adamandeve series or subscribe to posts by following my blog. Feel free to drop your comments too. I am passionate about making you see how to better your relationship/marriage.

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