Good day and welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. Today, we will be dealing with RESOLVING NEGATIVE PARENTAL CONSENT.
It’s common knowledge that in choice of who to marry, parental consent plays a key role.
Often, parental consent in marriage can be a manipulative tool in the hands of parents.
Parental consent is important since you don’t just marry your spouse, you marry into a family. Parental consent is also important as it helps tobuttress your decision of who to marry.
Parents are God-given guidance and they become very helpful guide in making marriage decisions.
Hell will often break loose when there is a disapproval of choice of who to marry.
It’s quite sensitive because you don’t want to lose the one you love, neither do you want to go against your parents’ wish.
Selfishness is one of the key reasons of negative parental consent.
In this situation, parents put their selfish interest above the welfare of their child. A good example is for parents to influence their child to marry a business partner’s daughter than the son’s lover.
Another cause of negative parental consent is Tribalism.
Most older people seem to hold strong allegiance to their race/tribe, and don’t want to entertain intimate relationship.
A tribalistic parent will strictly forbid any of his kids to marry someone from another tribe. To be fair to such parents, bad experience with other tribes’ men/women might have ignited this.
Let’s be honest, in every tribe there will be bad husbands and bad wives and good husbands and good wives. Hence, I disagree that tribalism can become the sole cause of relationship breakup.
It’s stereotype to judge a whole tribe based on a negative experience with one man/woman. In dealing with interracial/inter-tribal marriages, the key thing to note is if you can manage the differences.
Another cause of negative parental consent is identifiable red flags.
Red flags are identifiable characters and habits that will ruin the relationship and wreck the marriage. Most times, lovebirds are oblivious to dangerous habits and trends that can ruin their relationship and marital future.
Even when lovebirds notice trends that can ruin their relationship, they tend to ignore it all in the name of love
Parents are sometimes helpful, as they are able to carefully point their attention to these destructive marital behaviours. It is easier for parents to see destructive habits in relationships of their kids because they are not emotionally attached.
Parents sometimes, because of their depth of experience are able to identify these destructive habits under a short period.
Another reason is when they feel the man may not be able to take care of the partner/family.
As parents get to know the partner, one of the things they watch out for is their ability to perform marital roles. For a man, this will include: To lead and provide for the home.
For a woman, it will include supporting the husband, nurturing the kids and home.
Parents often resist future partners they sense may not be able to deliver all these.
The key question is; When does parental consent go too far? How do you handle a negative consent, yet keep your lover and your parents?
Unmanaged negative parental consent can lead to devastating heartbreaks, while in some other cases can lead to disintegration of the family unit.
We will be discussing this next week. Thank you.
Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter (@pastorbolaji).
Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on this Twitter handle (@pastorbolaji).
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