Fixing relationship commitment issues

Pastor Bolaji Idowu

Pastor Bolaji Idowu

Hello friends, welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. Have you or someone you know, ever been afraid to give yourself fully to someone because you were afraid of what might result?

Then you should invite them to follow this handle, join in the conversation on” FIXING COMMITMENT ISSUES”.

A commitment-phobic is a spouse or potential spouse that shies away from taking the next step in a relationship. This person, finds it comfortable being in a relationship where things are not defined.

A commitment-phobic, loves to enjoy benefits of a relationship without attached responsibility.

With a commitment-phobic, one is never sure about the status of the relationship or persons. Previous relationship experience can make one become commitment phobic. So they become afraid of commitment so as to avoid a repeat of terrible relationship drama.

Some cunning people also hide under the mask of being commitment phobic.

One  leading cause of commitment phobia is FEAR. The fear of failed past relationships/marriage, can make one afraid of commitment. They see the way things turned out in the past and they are afraid to make the same mistakes again.

The overwhelming rate of divorce, failed marriages and relationships also contribute to being commitment phobic. Out of fear of making a mistake or repeating same, one can become afraid of commitment.

Unmet expectations also contribute to this. The person keeps “shopping” for someone who will meet the set standard.

Generally, people from dysfunctional homes tend to turn out commitment phobic. The experience of growing up in a dysfunctional home makes them avoid committing to anyone.

A commitment phobic is usually evasive and sometimes cunning.

A commitment phobic, hardly ever invests heavily in a relationship. They have a way of detaching their emotions from the relationship. They are often quick to end the relationship, when a demand is placed on commitment.

Commitment phobic, never commit themselves to their partner or relationship and maintain tiny level of responsibility. Commitment phobics, are easily ruffled when there is a demand to define, the relationship or who a partner is to them.

Our culture, also promotes commitment phobia as seen in Nollywood movies. Nollywood shows us, that one can enjoy the gains of a relationship without necessarily being in one.

People desperate for a relationship, often fall victim to a commitment phobic.

Desperate guys/ladies, wouldn’t  mind being with someone, who doesn’t define relationship as long as there are benefits.

The first step to overcoming commitment phobia is to admit the flaw. Passing the blame or making excuses, wouldn’t help a commitment phobic see the need to change.

The commitment phobic, must be able to identify/trace the root cause of this trait. Deciding to do this means facing your fears head on. it’s certainly not back out.

In overcoming commitment phobia, one must determine to let go of your fears, the past and its experiences.

Seek help. People who are afraid of commitment should enlist the help of a trusted friend, psychologist or even your pastor.

Talking to a counselor, psychologist or your pastor can help you gain some closure with commitment issues.

A commitment phobic should also make some adjustments in order to overcome this issue. When you come across these situations where you feel uncomfortable and hesitant, don’t be afraid, face it headlong.

If you have issues with commitment, it is better to learn from the experience, let go of the past hurts and move on

Experiencing commitment phobia? Need to talk to someone? Please feel free to email me

That will be all for tonight, I hope you find it helpful. Please remember to RT, comment and ask questions.

Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter and I think you should follow him (@pastorbolaji).

Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on his TL (@pastorbolaji).
Check here every weekend for fresh #adamandeve series or subscribe to posts by following my blog. Feel free to drop your comments too. I am passionate about making you see how to better your relationship/marriage.

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12 thoughts on “Fixing relationship commitment issues

  1. I have got discovered large amount of articles and even gone through many websites,however your work is actually great.Caps off to your own willpower together with frankness.Do retain us all advised in future also.


    • Thanks a lot. Will keep doing my best to bring fresh and relevant content from the original writer, Pastor Bolaji Idowu of Harvesters International Christian Centre. You may follow him on Twitter @pastorbolaji.


    • Thanks for your valuable feedback. Sometimes, reading about issues that don’t directly affect us may seem boring though, however, do look forward to more powerful and interesting posts here.


  2. Very good content.Thanks just for authoring this useful post and enlightening us all with all your opinions.I really hope you are going to carry on this good work at a later date as well.


    • Thanks for your kind words. I will keep doing my best to keep the posts coming. A shout out on Twitter (@pastorbolaji) to the original author, Pastor Bolaji Idowu of Harvesters International Christian Centre, Gbagada will make my day.


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