Good evening friends, welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. Do remember to invite a friend to follow the conversation.
Today, we shall be discussing “REBOOTING A DYING RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE.” Nothing hurts quite like a dying marriage/relationship. There is no loneliness as intense as living with a stranger, especially one that used to be your best friend.
When a relationship/marriage is dying, the prospect of separating appears appealing than staying together. In a dying marriage/relationship, that one person whom you love with your heart has become a roommate than a soul mate. So how did you get here, and are there any ways to get back to the love you once knew?
Firstly, is it normal to feel worn out, tired and bored in a relationship/marriage? YES it is NORMAL to feel burnt out and tired in a relationship/marriage. You are normal; there is nothing wrong with you.
What are the signs of a dying relationship/marriage?
In a dying relationship/marriage, sacrifice becomes extremely difficult or non-existent. In a dying relationship/marriage, things that you would do naturally without thinking twice, becomes a task that you avoid.
In a dying relationship/marriage, the joy of just being together is totally forgotten. Each party in a dying relationship/marriage, focuses on the other’s weaknesses rather than strength.
In a dying relationship/marriage, partners don’t share dreams/goals as a couple. They live isolated lives. In a dying relationship/marriage, it’s all business, you don’t have fun together anymore, no laughter, no inside jokes.
In a dying relationship/marriage, sexual life becomes very unpleasant and nothing to look forward to. In a dying relationship/marriage, affection and sexual intimacy are gone. The bedroom is cold.
In a dying relationship/marriage, although the body is there, your heart has shifted base. Each individual, finds comfort and solace in another person or activity. You’re tired, have no energy left to give, yelling and arguing have been replaced with silence.
The husband feels disrespected: He feels he’s not good enough for his wife, nothing he does will ever be enough. The wife feels unloved: She feels she no longer has her husband’s heart, she can no longer captivate him.
The first step to rebooting a dying relationship/marriage is to FIND OUT what exactly the problem is. You cannot save a dying relationship/marriage, unless you know exactly what is killing it.
Figure out what is killing the relationship, why it is dying and how did it reach the sad state that it is currently in.
Finding out what is killing the relationship/marriage, will call for deliberate and sincere effort to figure out what’s wrong. Put your head to it and ask yourself repeatedly ‘what’s the problem?’ till you find an eye-opening, enlightening answer.
Secondly, COMMUNICATE. To communicate with your partner is the toughest thing to do when you are going through a bad phase. To bring your bond back to life, go, sit down and listen to what your partner has to say.
Conversation is key to all problems. A relationship really needs conversations. Give each other the space and freedom to talk without any inhibitions. A conversation, is incomplete until it is both sided.
Once you hear what the other has to say, things will begin to look clearer and the relationship can begin to have life. Even if he/she is not ready to listen, stay calm and listen to him. This will ultimately lead them to listen to you.
When you show patience, calmness and consideration, a conversation will certainly happen, and it cannot be a fruitless one.
For everyone whose relationship is going through a dying phase, be encouraged, don’t give up just yet. Most strong marriages, went through this phase, you aren’t the first, and you’ll come through it.
For a marriage/relationship to last, we must be willing to continually sacrifice. If you are going through a hard phase in your relationship/marriage, do not let it destroy your life, career and self-esteem.
In conclusion, rebooting a dying relationship is relatively easy provided both of you are willing to work towards a solution. This is actually an incredibly boring investing strategy… but it works.
Both parties must be willing to reboot the relationship/marriage for it to work. Going through a tough time in your relationship/marriage? Want to talk to someone? Email me firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thank you for joining me on today’s episode of #adamandeve; we continue next week.
Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter and I think you should follow him (@pastorbolaji).
Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time (UTC +1), on his TL (@pastorbolaji).
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