DivorceGood evening friends, welcome to December! It’s never too late to achieve your dreams, don’t lose hope yet. Today, we shall be addressing a topic many shy away from, but unfortunately, it is a reality these days & staring at us in the face.

You find two people who seem to be in love/inseparable, get married few months, years down the line; they want a DIVORCE! It almost seems normal these days, for couples to be “tired and want out” in a marriage.

Staying married these days almost seems abnormal. This makes me wonder, how did our parents stay married to each other with all the issues/problems they faced? Why do couples these days just “discard” their marriage as though it is an item?

Our discussion today is “IS DIVORCE EVER OKAY?” Do invite your friends to join in the conversation as it will be very helpful.

Many people think sexual infidelity is the only reason why a couple could be considering divorce. If you think that sexual infidelity is the leading cause of divorce, you’ve got it all wrong. That is a BIG ERROR!

Nobody gets married and plans to divorce on purpose. We need to be careful and not be judgmental towards divorced people. We can’t most times use being divorced or not, to judge the uprightness of another.

Divorced people need a lot of support and help, this is something we don’t realize. Sometimes divorcees are just victims of bad decisions and circumstance. The stigma religion has put on divorcees is so horrible and absolutely unnecessary. While I will never promote divorce, I support love and fairness to those who have/are going through a divorce.

If you are divorced and you are reading this, don’t allow this one thing define the rest of your life. Learn from it, reverse it if possible but refuse to be chained and controlled by the past.

Sometimes, divorce is caused by a shallow or bad choice of a partner. Another reason why couples get divorced is because they get into marriage all for the wrong reasons.

Some marry for money. Marrying for any other reason than love will bring you lots of trouble. I’ve met many divorced women who say the problems that made them leave were there right from the beginning; but they go on because “everyone expected us to live happily” or “we had already spent so much money on the wedding”

Single people, remember, until you say “I do,” you always have the choice to say “I don’t!” Marrying someone that you aren’t very familiar with is a potential marriage disaster.

Statistics show that those who marryquite early, have an increased divorce rate. If you are young, you might not be able to define who you are and what you want from a partner.

Sometimes, divorce is caused by the neglect of the marriage. When children come in, most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they are a couple. As children grow and need less attention, many husbands and wives find that they have grown apart and have nothing in common.divorce-lawyer-for-men

If you don’t make your marriage success priority, you may never have a great marriage. A successful marriage requires time, energy and attention.

Divorce also is caused by both partners’ unwillingness to change or adjust a behavior or way of life.

Great marriages are made possible by, the willingness of both partners to continually make adjustments. If one partner thinks the other should be the only one to make all changes, problem looms.

Background is another major cause of divorce. People from divorced/single homes most times, have higher chances of divorce. The principle of modelling says; you will repeat what you see. To increase the rate of your marital success, you need to be exposed to successful marriage dynamics.

Culture and media is another reason for increased divorced rate. Current culture makes those striving to fix their marriage seem stupid. The prevailing culture of today, doesn’t embrace the ‘sacrifice’ part of marriage. The culture promotes the “Hollywood fairy tale” type of marriage, instead of reality. Hence, most people get married expecting their spouse to be the one making all the sacrifice, while they fold their arms.

Is it possible to survive major differences in philosophy? It is possible, but many do not. Couples often consider/take the divorce option, when the intimacy in their marriage disappears.

Men generally need sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women generally need romance to be sexually receptive. As long as both people are getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person wants.

However, when there is a lessening on either’s part, that can trigger a pulling back in the other.  If this goes unchecked, before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and this can lead to divorce.

If you want to have a great marriage, be willing to sacrifice and to enjoy doing it for your spouse.

In conclusion, couples going through a difficult phase in their marriage, divorce shouldn’t be the easy way out. Both parties should take time, talk to a pastor/counselor, and make necessary changes to redirect the course of the marriage.

Single people, I strongly advise that we make effort to “know” your partner. Until you say “I DO”, you can still say “I DON’T”

That will be all for tonight, do remember to RT, comment and ask questions.

Extracted from Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s #adamandeve series on twitter and I think you should follow him (@pastorbolaji).

Info: #adamandeve series is live, every Thursday @ 5:30pm Nigerian time, on his TL (@pastorbolaji).
Check here every weekend for fresh #adamandeve series or subscribe to posts by following my blog. Feel free to drop your comments too. I am passionate about making you see how to better your relationship/marriage.

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